


With the Comma After 'Dearest'

by SuchStuffAsDreamsAreMadeOn



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hamilton References, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Blood, Nightmares, Post-Battle of Scarif, Technology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 11:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11207133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchStuffAsDreamsAreMadeOn/pseuds/SuchStuffAsDreamsAreMadeOn
Summary: OrFive times Jyn and Cassian need to use technology to communicate and one time they don't.





	With the Comma After 'Dearest'

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you thank you to my wonderful beta [Kobo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Kobo). She is amazing, kind, and talented and if you haven't read her work yet go check it out!

1.

 

The transmission signal is received at exactly 0900. Of course he’s on time. Jyn doubts the end of the galaxy would stop Cassian Andor from reporting in on time. One of the droid opens the link and Cassian’s voice is projected through the War Room.

“Captain Cassian Andor, reporting. Line secure.” 

Jyn tries to ignore the way the tightness in her chest releases just a bit when she hears Cassian’s voice.

“Acknowledged,” General Draven answers. “How goes it, Captain?”

Cassian has been gone three weeks, under cover with Kay in an Imperial mining facility on Kellux. Communication has been spotty at best, but a report had been scheduled when Jyn returned from her latest mission. They needed to talk.

“Well, sir. My cover is secure and I believe the intel will prove valuable.”

Again Jyn does her best to ignore her relief. 

Draven’s eyes slid to Jyn. “Sergeant Erso has just returned from her mission to Nal Hutta. She has a report we’d like you to hear.”

There was quiet for a moment, then Cassian’s voice returned. Jyn reminded herself that she was imagining the slight change in his voice. Cassian’s voice wouldn’t change for her. Besides, after the fight they’d had before she left, she doubted he wanted to talk much to her, anyway.

“Sergeant Erso?”

He hadn’t wanted her to go on the mission. After the relocation to Hoth he had been watching her, as if waiting for something. It wasn’t until Jyn volunteered for her first solo assignment that she found out why.

“This is an important mission, one that needs to be completed,” he had yelled at her in the middle of one of the newly constructed Eco Base corridors after she had chased him out of the War Room demanding to know why he had argued against her. The soldiers passing hardly looked up. They were probably so used to Solo and the Princess screaming at each other in the hallways that it didn’t faze them anymore. “Mothma promised you your freedom, so if you’re going to leave just go, don’t pretend like you’re taking a mission just to escape. I know you’re going to leave. But don’t kirff over the Rebellion while you’re doing it.”

All Jyn could do was stare in shock at Cassian’s retreating back. She hadn't seen him since.

“You’ve completed your mission, then?” 

Jyn straightens her back, even though Cassian can’t see her. “Yes, Captain. While on Nal Hutta I learned that the Empire is sending an Imperial convoy to inspect the progress on Kellux. I don’t know who will be on it, but it will be some important brass. And possibly someone who knows of you as Willix.”

“Understood.” Cassian’s voice is hard, determined. Jyn realizes suddenly that she hates not being able to see him. She can read him so much better when she can see his eyes. “General Draven, what are my orders, sir?”

“We’re going to have to pull you, Captain. The intel isn’t worth the loss of an alias.”

As Cassian and Draven discuss his imminent return to base Jyn closes her eyes. Cassian was coming home. They had parted on bad terms and Jyn doesn’t know how things will be when he gets back - and of course he’ll bring that infernal droid back with him - but Jyn can’t help the breath that escapes her. He is coming back _alive_ , and sooner than she had thought. She wishes that thought didn’t make her quite as happy as it does.

“Sergeant Erso’s mission was a success?” Cassian asks, and Draven glances at her. 

“Yes. The intel is good.”

“Good,” Cassian’s voice seems oddly strained and Jyn wonders for a moment what he is getting at.

“And there were no,” he pauses for half a second, as if trying to find the right word, “complications?”

The tiniest smile touches Jyn’s lips. At one point, not so long ago, she would have believed Cassian was asking if she had betrayed them. But even without seeing his eyes she can hear the concern he is trying so hard to hide. 

“It went off without a hitch,” she tells him, hoping her smile doesn’t color her voice too much. “Hopefully my next assignment will be a bit more fun.”

She can see the way Draven’s lips purse but she doesn’t particularly care. Cassian’s voice is notably less strained when he signs off and she has the feeling that when he gets back in a few days they will be alright after all. She buries the voice deep inside her that wishes they could be something more than alright. 

 

2.

 

Cassian does his best to hide his smile when Jyn’s face appears on his ship’s screens. She has a new cut above one eye but otherwise she seems fine, and the creases between her eyebrows relax a bit when she sees him. Or maybe he is imagining things.

“Sergeant,” he greets her, not really knowing what else to say. It’s good to see her. Last time they were together they only had a day’s overlap on base, just enough time for him to apologize for doubting her. He knows now that she’s not going to run. 

This is the first time they’ve had to coordinate on separate missions. The bounty hunter she’d been tailing for the past ten days had lead her right into the N’zoth system, the same system in which Cassian’s contact is waiting with news. Command had agreed it was best for them to coordinate directly, in case the two incidents were related.

“Fancy meeting you here, Captain. How’s life?”

This time Cassian doesn’t try to hide his smile. “Hardly proper procedure, Sargent Erso.”

Even through the monitor he can see the glint in Jyn’s eyes. “I won’t tell if you don’t.” Jyn has never been one for proper procedures. “But really, Cassian,” she asks, her voice growing serious, “how are you?”

“Fine,” he tells her, hoping the monitor will hide how his pulse races at even just the sight of her. “All the better for seeing a familiar face.”

Jyn nods her understanding. 

Jyn’s image stutters, static flying across the screen, then suddenly disappears all together. Concern floods through Cassian as he fiddles with the monitor, hoping desperately that the interference is a malfunction in his tech, not some danger Jyn has run into. 

“Jyn? Jyn?”

After a moment her image flickers back – eyes focused, hands gripping the controls, face set – then disappears again. The connection is lost, then reestablished and Cassian scans the dark sky outside his ship, searching desperately for Jyn’s ship, despite knowing they’re not close enough for him to be able to see her.

Suddenly the image flickers back on screen. Jyn’s face is calm and as she sits back in her seat her eyes find her monitor again.

“Sorry about that. Asteroids. Damn nuisance.”

Cassian lets about a breath. Jyn seems to catch his relief because the smallest to smiles touches her lips. She stays quiet for another moment, watching him, and for a second. Cassian feels that when he looks into her eyes the sky’s the limit. He wonders if Jyn is ever pulled in by his eyes the way he is by hers. As soon as the thought appears he pushes it away - he doubts Jyn could ever feel so helpless. 

“So what does your contact know?” she asks, breaking the silence that had stretched across space and time.

“I’m not sure, yet,” he admits, clearing his throat. “All I got is that they need to meet with me, that they have news. What about you? Do you know what Denov is doing in the N’zoth system?”

“Nope.” Jyn shrugs and brushes a fallen strand of hair out of her face. “I’ve got a feeling he’s headed to Pa’aal. The labor camps there contacted him a few days ago, but I couldn’t hear what they discussed. Guess I’ll find out.”

Doing his best to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut Cassian nods and listens as Jyn goes through some of the things she has discovered that might prove useful. Of course they wouldn’t be heading to the same planet. The N’zoth system was large - nine planets and many moons. The likelihood of them actually seeing each other had been slim. He had allowed himself to hope, though. 

“Will you be alright?” he asks suddenly. She hadn’t told him much about Wobani, but the memories she had shared with him – images of chains, meal rations so small it was a mercy she had lasted as long as she had, and a cellmate who promised every morning she would be dead by nightfall – stayed with him. Those few memories had been shared late at night on missions, when she had wandered from her bunk with nightmares, like sleep, still lingering in her eyes, and plopped down next to him in the cockpit. He hardly slept, anyway, and they would sit in silence until she began speaking. He had yet to tell her that her quiet words in the dark had done wonders to keep his own nightmares at bay.

It seems she knows where his mind has gone because her beautiful green eyes darken for a moment. “Yes. I’ll be fine.” There is a pause between them, then she asks, “How’s Kay?”

Cassian almost laughs at how her eyes brighten at the question. She has never loved the droid, but he knows, better than most, that on a long mission any taste of the familiar is a welcome thing. 

“He’s fine. He’s powered down right now, or I’m sure he’d have something less than appropriate to say.”

Cassian tries to hide his surprise when Jyn tips her head back and laughs. Really laughs. “I’m sure he would. You hear anything from Bodhi or Baze and Chirrut?”

Cassian shakes his head. “Not for a month or so. Last time I saw them we were all getting drunk in the canteen.” Jyn nods at the memory and quickly – if only to banish the worry that as entered her eyes – Cassian adds, “I’m sure they’re fine, though. We’d have heard if they weren’t.” They both know it’s a lie but accept it regardless. What more can they do?

“When will you be home?” Cassian tries to ignore the joy he feels at the quiet way Jyn says the word ‘home’.

“Shouldn’t be long, now. A week at most. You?”

Jyn shrugs. “I have yet to be informed.” Her lips tighten - a sure sign she doesn’t like her answer.

A beeping noise is heard over the monitor and Jyn glances off screen.

“I’m approaching Pa’aal. I’m going to have to sign off before I get any closer and they detect my transmission. I’ll try to contact you again if it looks like our missions are actually related.”

Cassian nods, knowing this moment was coming and wishing it didn’t have to nonetheless. “I’ll do the same. I’ll see you soon,” he promises, knowing such a guarantee is not within his power to make. He makes it anyway. If only making it will help it come true.

Jyn nods. Her mouth is set, and Cassian doesn’t think he’s imagining the sadness in the deep greed of her eyes. “Stay safe, Cassian,” she tells him.

“You too, Jyn.”

He wishes he could say more. He wishes he could see her face to face, could hold her in his arms until she could feel every unsaid emotion radiating from his core. But his screen goes black and he is left alone with his reflection and a powered down droid, longing for the day the both he and Jyn will be home again. He prays to the Force it will be soon.

 

3.

 

Jyn clutches her knees to her chest, her hands still shaking as she tries to push the nightmare from her mind. Sweat beads at her hairline and she concentrates for a moment on slowing her breathing.

It had been about Cassian. Again. He had died. Again. And she hadn’t been able to save him. Again.

A whimper escapes her into the dark of her bunk and despite how tiny the Echo Base living quarters are she suddenly feels as if the blackness and loneliness stretches on for eternity. She fumbles for the lamp and with a gentle whirl of its generator the room is bathed in soft light.

Sometimes, after dreams like this, Jyn would seek out Cassian in the control room or hanger or wherever he happened to be at the time. He was always quiet when she found him after a dream, but he listened and when his gentle hand found hers she would allow herself to lean into him, allow him to wrap her up in his arms, and allow his simple presence - the sheer fact that her was there, alive and with her - to comfort her.

Tonight could not be one of those nights. Jyn hasn’t seen Cassina since just after her first solo mission almost two months ago. Cassian is on Edan II, working with the Alliance stronghold there to establish more effective intel gathering within the region. It is a relatively safe and easy mission, but the blood that fills Jyn’s nightmares seems to seep into the edges of her mind until even the glow of her lamp cannot push away the images of Cassian’s lifeless body. Death, it seems, doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. 

With hardly a thought Jyn shoves back the blankets of her bunk - shivering as the frigid Hoth air, only slightly tempered by the heating generators, bites into her skin - and pads softly to the table. She grabs the hand held holo projector sitting next to her datapad and quickly slips back into the warmth of her bed.

She doubts Cassian will pick up but she has to try. She knows she won’t be able to breathe properly until she sees his face again and knows that he is safe, and since Edan II is Alliance controlled, the hologram transmission is safe to use. She enters the coordinance and waits, each flash of the small blue light on the side of the projector making her breath hitch a little more.

She almost sobs in relief when the light turns green and Cassian’s image flickers into her room. His eyes are worried and serious but Jyn thinks once again how beautiful they are. She is too tired and upset to reprimand herself for the thought.

“Jyn?”

“Cassian.” The tremor in her voice only serves to increase his alarm.

“What is it, Jyn? What’s happened?”

She takes a breath. She doesn’t want to frighten him. “Nothing. Nothing, we’re fine. We’re all fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

His eyes soften a bit and his shoulders relax. “It’s alright. What’s going on?”

Jyn curses herself for the tears that well in her eyes at his concern. Nightmares had plagued her long before she met Cassian. Her mother’s death, her father’s capture, and Saw’s missions had haunted her sleep for longer than she cared to remember. That was nothing new.

What is new is Cassian. And Bodhi and Chirrut and Baze. And even Captain Solo, the Princess, and the Skywalker boy. And, although she’d never admit this to anyone, sometimes even Kay. Their blood floods her dreams and their deaths - and the countless other deaths she has caused, either by her own hands or orders given - dance their way through her mind. Her subconscious creates a nightly torture of regret, fear, and loss.

And what is new is Cassian. The way he looks at her when she comes to him in the night. The way he loops an arm over her shoulders and pulls her into him. The way his heartbeat calms her and the way his eyes tell her that he understands - understands the nights when sleep seems more frightening than any Imperial torture could ever be and understands that sometimes it’s easier to sit side by side with someone you trust, waiting for the first watery rays of light to touch the frozen world, then even think about sleeping again. It terrifies her that he understands and it terrifies her that he cares. She isn’t used to anyone caring, and as much as she finds herself seeking his comfort she finds herself equally afraid of it, in case the day comes - as it has always come before - when she will lose that comfort. She dreads the day she will have to face the nightmares alone again, knowing how much worse it will be having known Cassian’s presence.

“Jyn?” Cassian’s soft voice brings her back to herself, reminds her that while that day might come, it is not this day. With a shock she realizes that her relief far outweighs her fear. 

“Was it another nightmare?”

She nods mutely, blinking away the tears that still threaten to spill onto her cheeks. She can only hope the dim light and blue hologram tint hids them from Cassian.

“Your parents again?” he asks and Jyn shakes her head. The first time she had told him about the dreams that replayed her parents deaths on an endless loop, with Jyn forever powerless to stop it, guilt had consumed Cassian’s gaze. He hadn’t killed her father, for which - despite what she had said on the flight away from Eadu - she would eternally be grateful, but he had pulled her away from his body and she knew the memory still haunted Cassian, just as it did her.

“Scarif,” she told him quietly and she could see him nod. It was a horror they had shared, and in the dark Cassian sometimes whispered of his own memories to her.

“We’re all alright, Jyn. You know that. You’re alright.”

Tears choke Jyn’s throat and she swipes at her eyes quickly before nodding again. “Yes. I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Cassian murmurs. “Don’t ever be sorry.” 

“I just... I had to be sure.” She takes a breath. “I had to know you were alright.”

She lets the words tumble out before her better judgment can stop her. She had told him of her dreams, but his leading role in them had gone unspoken. She often wondered if he knew. He has dreams too, after all, but she would never have believed he could fear for her - care for her - as much as she finds herself caring for him.

And yet some nights, as they sit together in the dark, he grips her hand with such need, holds her close with such desperation, she can’t help but wonder if hers is not the only fear that goes unspoken. 

He watches her now with soft sadness. “I’m fine, Jyn. And I’ll be home in a few days.”

The tightness in her chest releases a bit at his words and for a while they just talk, their quiet voices filling the emptiness and driving away the fear. He tells her of his mission, as much as he can, and of how he, Kay, and Bodhi have been able to help the local population and she tells him about the tricks she and Baze have been playing on young Luke Skywalker. It’s nice to be on base with Baze and Chirrut again and Cassian seems glad to hear the news from home. 

“I should let you go. I’m sure you have meetings and whatnot to get to,” Jyn says, sometime around 0400 on Eco Base. She can hear a few of the personnel, those with early morning shifts, beginning to stir. 

Confusion crosses Cassian’s face for a moment before understanding seems to dawn. “Oh, I’m not at Edan Base any more. I guess they didn’t tell you. Bodhi, Kay, and I transferred to Southview Village a few days ago to sure up things here before I leave.”

Since it is an Alliance controlled planet with an active Rebel base, Jyn knows a little of Edan II. She has never been there, but she has seen a few maps of it, enough, at least, to know that Southview Village is practically on the other side of the planet from Edan Base. Which means...

“Wait, then what time is it there?” 

Cassian looked a little sheepish as he glanced away from the hologram, presumably at a chrono. “Umm, about 0500, I guess.” He must see her look of horror because he quickly adds, “My body hasn’t adjusted yet, though, so it’s fine.”

Jyn hopes the semi darkness hides the color she can’t seem to stop from bleeding into her cheeks at unknowingly keeping Cassian up all night, despite what he said. She pushes away the tiny swell of happiness - or whatever it was that made her feel so warm inside - at the thought that he was willing to stay up with her while on a mission. She shouldn’t care, she reminds herself. She shouldn’t have needed him in the first place.

“You should go,” she tells him. She wishes she could carve out of her the part of her that whimpers in protest at her words. They both knew it was coming. Why should it matter?

Cassian nods, but before the communication is ended his eyes find hers again. “Everything will be alright. I’ll see you soon, Jyn.”

His promise is meant as a comfort. She knows it is. And despite the uncertainties of war and the knowledge that no promise Cassian can make will have any guarantee of being kept, she does finds comfort in his words. She carries the comfort with her long after the hologram has been shut off and she is left on her own again.

 

4.

 

“I’m just saying, I think it’s more than just the hot food and shower you’re excited for, Captain,” Bodhi teases as they walk together down the ramp of the transport ship and into the familiar bustle - and cold - of the Eco Base landing bay. Cassian does his best not to roll his eyes at Bodhi.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m always excited to be home.” 

“I think the pilot is right,” Kay intones helpfully as he clanks along behind them. “You did seem particularly happy to hear that Sergeant Erso would be on base. You almost smiled.”

“He did smile, Kay. He just tried to hide it. Badly.” Cassian scowls at Bodhi, who only laughs at his captain's displeasure. It had been a long flight, and while Edan II had been a relatively uneventful mission, Cassian knows his crew needs to wind down and let off some steam. Cassian doesn’t want to deny them their fun, but he also doesn’t want to let on how close to home they have hit. He is excited for the showers and the hot food, of course, but his mind keeps straying back to Jyn. He shouldn’t let it, but every time it does a smile pulls at his lips.

“The conquering heroes return,” calls a voice that, to Cassian’s momentary disappointment, is not Jyn’s. Chirrut and Baze appear out of the currents of people and welcome Cassian and Bodhi home with smiles. Cassian does his best not to look around for Jyn too much, but seems to fail. 

“She’s not here, Cassian,” Baze tells him. He tries to keep his face blank but Baze just gives his a slap on the back Cassian assumes is meant to be sympathetic. “Jyn’s flight was moved up. She left a few hours ago.”

Cassian can feel his heart sink but it is Bodhi who groans in disappointment. In answer to Chirrut’s sightless question Bodhi just shrugs. “Cassian isn’t the only one who misses her.” 

“I don’t miss her,” Kay announces. “I don’t miss anyone. Besides, it seems like a waste of time to me.” 

Cassian sighs. Jyn is gone and he doesn’t know when she will be back or if he will even be on base when she does return. This is war, he reminds himself. This has always been his life. And yet somehow it hadn’t bothered him until he met Jyn. If he could have he would be angry at her for making him feel this way. But he couldn’t be angry with her. Not really. Not for this. 

“Of course it does, Kay,” he tells the droid. Kay wouldn’t understand. This emotion was far to complicated to hardwire into any droids’ circuits.

*****

Dravin’s debriefing had gone on for much longer than Cassian would have liked. After delivering the rundown of their mission Cassian had been asked to sit through a tactical meeting discussing an imminent strike on one of the Imperial starships. He wondered if that was where Jyn had been sent. No one said, and he didn’t dare ask.

He had seen Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi briefly in the mess but he had slipped out early. He had gotten his food but wasn't in the mood for chat.

His room is just as he had left it, with one exception. He notices it as he drops his pack onto the small table in the corner of his room: a datapad laying on his bed, its screen dark and innocent looking. Hesitantly Cassian crosses to the bed and scoops up the device, clicking the power button before he can think about what Kay would say the statistical likelihood of this being a trap was. The display flashes to life and the text of a message filters across the screen. Worry morphs into other, much more difficult to identify, emotions as Cassian reads the words.

_Cassian,_

_They’re sending me out early, of course. They couldn’t wait five kirffing hours. Typical. Baze and Chirrut will tell you I’m gone, so I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Stupid, I guess. I should just erase this now and leave. You’ll never know I was here._

_I hope your mission went well. Draven won’t tell me anything except that you’ll be back soon after I leave. He didn’t sound that worried, so I guess I shouldn’t be either. Not that I’m worried about you. I just know that if you die I’ll have to deal with Kay, and I think we’d kill each other within a week. So you’d better not be dead. It’d be a real pain in the ass if you were._

_Skywalker and Solo have got me on this stupid mission. I’m flying with Shara, so at least I won’t be stuck on the_ Falcon _with Solo. They’re not even taking me anywhere interesting. But someone’s got to do it, right? Might as well be me._

_I don’t know why I’m writing this, really. Just that I’ll be gone by the time you get back and so I won’t be able to tell you any of this myself. This will have to do, I guess. It’s the best we’ve got. There are other things, things I want to tell you myself. In person. But it’ll keep. Always does._

_Anyway, I hope you’re not dead. Please don’t be dead. I’ll be home soon._

_Jyn_

Cassian sits for a long time - datapad in his lap, emotions twisting their way through his heart - marveling at Jyn’s ability to use so many words to say both everything and nothing at all. 

 

5.

 

It has been a week since Cassian returned to base to find Jyn’s datapad lying on his bed. He has yet to be assigned a new mission, but there is always plenty to do around the base - meetings to attend, recruits to train, reports to write. 

This morning Princess Leia had asked Cassian to sit in on a meeting with Mon Mothma, which is how he finds himself in the War Room when the distress signal is received. 

“The signal is being sent from Lieutenant Bey’s ship,” C-3PO informs them as the beeping fills the room. Cassian’s heart freezes at the words. Jyn is on Shara Bey’s ship.

“That’s not right.” Draven’s eyes are dark with confusion and worry. “Bey and Erso aren’t meant to get back for another three days.”

C-3PO’s R2 counterpart beeps and whirls. “Nevertheless, sir, R2-D2 is correct. It is Lieutenant Bey’s ship. We are receiving an incoming transmission.”

In a moment Jyn’s voice, tight and controlled, fills the War Room. “Command, this is Sergeant Erso. We’ve had some trouble. Ship’s busted but I think I can get her down.” Princess Leia’s eyes meet Cassian’s from across the room and he can see his own fear reflected in them. Jyn shouldn’t be flying the ship. 

“Jyn, what happened?” Cassian demands, protocol be damned.

“Got separated from Solo and Skywalker. We weren’t followed but I need a med team standing by. We’re coming in fast. Very fast. I don’t -” Jyn’s words cut out, then there is nothing but static.

“What happened?” Leia turns an accusing look towards the droids.

“I don’t know, your highness. The signal just -” But Cassian doesn’t hear the rest of the droids explanation. He is already out the door, running towards the landing bay.

The usual chaos reigns in the hanger as Cassian pushes his way past pilots and mechanics.

“Cassian!” Bodhi’s voice stops him and he turns towards the four figures hurrying towards him.

“Chirrut just said we had to come,” Baze explains, glancing at Chirrut. “Told us to contact Kes Dameron and get him down here. What’s going on?”

Cassian shakes his head. “It’s Jyn. I don’t-“ but he is cut off by a shout - _“Everyone look out!”_ \- followed by a wave of people running to get out of the way of the ship that is more falling rather than gliding towards a landing. 

Jyn’s transport ship bounces twice, skidding across the icy rock of the Hoth hangar floor, before it slides to a stop, dented and battered, spewing smoke. “Oh dear,” is Kay’s only comment before Cassian is once again running, despite his friends’ shouts of protest, towards the downed ship. 

Emergency droids and personnel are beginning to descend, but Cassian ignores them. The black smoke increases tenfold as the door to the ship slides open and for one horrifying moment everything is still. Then two figures emerge from the smoke.

Shara’s arm is draped over Jyn’s shoulder. She is clearly unconscious, feet dragging uselessly, blood dripping down her thigh, and Jyn coughs the smoke out of her lungs as she stumbles down the ship’s ramp. The sight of her paralyzes Cassian for a moment, relief and worry washing over him in equal measure. 

A medical team has arrived. Kes Demeron must have gotten Chirrut’s message because he is suddenly there, demanding to see his wife. Baze practically has to restrain him from attacking the medical officers. But it is Jyn Cassian is fixated on, and in an instant he finds himself again and snaps back into motion. Jyn has just managed to hand Shara off to them when Cassian reaches her.

“Jyn!” She turns to the sound of his voice.

“Cassian!” He grabs her shoulders, needing to touch her, needing to feel her, solid and alive, under his fingers. 

“Jyn, what happened? Are you alright?”

“We got the intel, but our contact must have turned on us. Shara got shot and Han and Luke had a tail, so we separated so that I could get Shara back, but our ship was attacked and we-” Another fit of coughing cuts her off and he steadies her, her body shaking under his hands.

“Easy, easy,” he murmurs to her, then turns to look for the med team, all of whom seem to be focused on Shara at the moment. “Hey, medic!” he shouts. 

Jyn gripped his forearm and Cassian snaps his attention back to her. She struggles to drag in air but her eyes find his. “Cassian, it’s alright. I just - I don’t -” She stumbles, and in a moment her eyes glaze over, then flutter closed, and she drops. Cassian catches her, dropping to his knees with Jyn cradled in his arms, terror - and not the smoke still filling the hanger - choking off the air in his lungs.

“Jyn? Jyn!” He shakes her slightly but her eyes remain closed, body limp. Only now does he realize that his hand - which up until a minute ago had been clutched around Jyn’s shoulder - is covered in her blood.

The med team is there in an instant. He only hears fragments of what they say to him - _“... someone grab the oxygen ...” “... get her in a bacta tank...”_ \- but when they pull Jyn away from him and onto a hovering stretcher it takes all of Cassian’s willpower - as well as a Chirrut’s gentle hand on his shoulder - to loosen his grip and allow Jyn out of his arms.

1.

 

“Nice to see you up and about, kid.” Han slides into a seat opposite from Jyn at her table in the mess, pointedly ignoring Princess Leia, who sits on the other side of Chirrut and Baze, chatting animatedly - perhaps a bit too animatedly - with Luke. There had been yet another infamous screaming match in one of the corridors this morning. Jyn was personally amazed that their shouting had yet to set off an avalanche in this frozen wasteland.

“Nice to be about,” Jyn admits, rolling a shoulder a bit to test the stab wound she had returned home with. She is pleased to find it doesn’t even twinge. “Glad you two got back safe.” 

Han leans back in his seat, his smug look almost masking the way his eyes flick to Leia to see if she’s listening. “Well, you know. Nothing the _Falcon_ couldn’t take care of.” Chewie, who was just joining them, punctuates Han’s statement with a cry of - what Jyn assumes is - agreement. “Where’s your boyfriend? Heard he was pretty worried after your fainting stunt.”

Jyn chokes into her caf at the smuggler's words. “My _what?_ ” She knows who he means, of course. Baze had told her - a little too happily for her taste - about how Cassian had stayed with her for the first hours in medbay after she had landed - if that word could even be used - in the Echo Base hangar. He had told her right after she woke up in medical, and she worries that in her hazy state she hadn’t been able to hide the smile that had tugged at her lips at the thought. The smile was quickly lost, however, when Chirrut informed her that Cassian, Bodhi, and Kay had already been sent out to hunt down the informant who had turned on the Alliance and silence them before any other information could be leaked. Jyn knows they will be back soon, but that doesn’t stop her disappointment.

Before she can even recover from the sensation of inhaling steaming hot caf, Baze pipes up. “Oh, Captain Andor’s off on a mission. He should be back any time, though.”

The look Jyn sends the two men is freezing even by Hoth standards. Everyone, including Chirrut, laughs. 

“Well I’m glad you find this amusing, Captain Solo. Because I was laughing this morning when C-3PO informed me that today’s little _discussion_ between you and the princess marks 16 such public _discussions_ this month. And now, Bodhi owes me 50 credits.” The look of incredulous horror - mixed, perhaps, with a bit of pride - at the idea of his friends placing bets on him and the princess lightens Jyn’s mood considerably. Bodhi had gotten drunk enough one night to admit to that Han had a sizable wager going with Chewie concerning who would kiss the other first, Jyn or Cassian, so she figures fair is fair.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Jyn says, standing abruptly, tray in hand. “I’m going to go see how Shara is feeling. Kes was with her all night and he needs a break.”

Jyn can’t help but smile as she heads out of the mess and into the corridors of Eco Base. The small family she has managed to find for herself during her time with the Alliance is more than she had ever hoped for, more than she had ever thought she deserved. Chirrut and Baze have practically adopted her as their child; Bodhi is the brother she had never had; she has grown close to Han, Luke, and Leia; and even Kay has his place in her heart. And Cassian.... She has no words for what Cassian is to her. But after all they have been through, after all their time together - finding comfort and security in each other - and after all their time apart - hurried transmissions in the day and quiet hologram conversations in the night - maybe she wants a word for what Cassian is to her. And maybe it is time to let him know that.

Jyn is stopped by the beep of her 2-MAL personal comlink. Confused she presses the receiver, expecting to hear Draven’s voice or maybe an angry Solo trying to get back at her for her wager. Instead the voice that crackles to life is unmistakably Bodhi’s. 

“Jyn. We’re home.” 

She can all but see the grin on Bodhi’s face, and her own lips turn up in joy as she quickly turns in the direction of the landing bay. She doesn’t think - doesn’t let herself think - as she skirts around rebels and droids, bushing her way through the ever present bustle of the base. She sees Cassian’s U-wing as soon as she gets into the hanger. Kay is there, unloading a few crates, and Bodhi seems to be inspecting a new dent on the side of the hold. She doesn’t care, though, because Cassian is there, real and right in front of her, and when she calls his name he turns and the smile that flashes across his face makes his eyes glow and her heart melt. 

Life as a rebel soldier is hectic and uncertain. Jyn knows this better than most. She knows that anytime she sees Cassian, or any of her friends, it could be her last. Knowing this, she clings to any chance they get to talk, even if it’s just a relayed transmission or even a note written hastily before departing for a new mission. The two of them must take what they get. But as grateful as she is for the technology that can keep them in touch, not even a hologram can come anywhere close to the feeling of being there, with him, in the same room, breathing the same air. 

Life as a rebel soldier is hectic and uncertain. Jyn knows this better than most. As Rebels they don't have much. Energy is rationed, food is in short supply, and on Hoth a blanket is worth more than credits. But there are other things they don’t have much of. Assurance, safety, and security are luxuries not usually afforded to people in Jyn and Cassian’s positions. Jyn doesn’t as for much. And when it comes to Cassian she knows that as long as he comes home at the end of the day, that would be enough.

Life as a rebel soldier is hectic and uncertain. Jyn knows this better than most. Which is why, when she reaches Cassian and finds herself pulled into his arms she leans up on her toes and kisses him, Han and his wager be damned. 

She can feel Cassian’s surprise, but in a moment his arms are around her and his mouth melts into hers and suddenly nothing matters, not Bodhi’s cheers, not Kay’s confusion and dismay, and not the distant, disgruntled wails of a Wookie who has just lost a bet.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. I always love hearing your thoughts and feedback!
> 
> I am [wearesuchstuff1](http://wearesuchstuff1.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. Come say hi!
> 
> As always I, unfortunately, do not own Star Wars or Rogue One. Wish I did!


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